No time for losers...

All the signs were there. An uninterested India scraped through their warm up match against Somerset - a loss only prevented by a tactical decision to not enforce the follow-on, and focus on getting the England captain into form rather than India's batsmen. Sachin could only be bothered to field for a short time, Zaheer was carrying a spare tyre, the international bowlers could get nothing out of a familiar looking pitch, and the international batsmen threw their wickets away like it was going out of fashion! So, er, not a great start...

Prior to the Test series I was confident of an England win, however 4-0 was out of the question. Firstly, would we get four full matches in? Secondly, England are good - but are they that good? Finally, India are number 1 so they'll put up a struggle.

WRONG!!

Even the most optimistic and faithful England fan would've been sitting there waiting for India to, well, get good. They were lucky that Dravid was bothered, otherwise each match would've been over by day 3! And I won't accept the standard argument from India fans that they had too many injuries. You were the number 1 side, you should have plenty of strength in depth - y'know, like England! Had Indian players not focused on the IPL or comfort eating during their time off then they'd have fared much better. I'd also suggest that either Dhoni needs some serious keeping practice, or that India find someone who can cope with seaming and swinging conditions - it speaks volumes that his very part-time bowling was better than his wicketkeeping! He only just redeemed himself towards the end of the series by getting some runs... I won't go into his iffy captaincy now, other than to say that he's definitely not "one of the greatest captains ever".

But back to the series. Let's look at the facts:

• England took 80 wickets in the series - i.e. the most they could possibly get;
• India only took 47 wickets - and 20 of them were in one match;
• India only reached 300 once, and that was in the final Test;
• Three England batsmen each scored a double hundred - there were four further centuries;
• Dravid scored all three of the hundreds made by Indian batsmen;
• Seven of England's batsmen averaged over 50 in the series;
• Only one Indian batsman (you guessed it, Rahul Dravid) averaged above 50;
• England's bowlers recorded four five wicket hauls - two of which were 6-fers;
• Only Praveen Kumar ended up with a single 5-fer for India.

Oh, and England's margins of victory were MASSIVE!!

India didn't play like they were world number 1, except when they managed to bowl England out for 221 at Trent Bridge - but they couldn't even keep going from there.

England fully deserve to be at number 1; they're ruthless, have great strength in depth, and actually look like they want to be playing a Test match!

I was actually quite bullish before the series, taking on any India fan that dared criticise England, and consequently I got extremely impatient for the contest to begin. It has been like a dream (except for the selectors continuing to back the useless Bopara) - it feels so satisfying to be smug and say to all the deluded India fans that have crossed me:

4-0.

P.S. Even when we get to India's specialist subject of Twenty20 they STILL can't get a win against their hosts. Granted, it was the closest they've come to beating England on the tour so far - but it didn't happen. Better luck in the ODI series, World Champions!

A Topsy-Turvy World...

*WARNING: the following post may contain pure anger*

So apparently it's Armed Forces week. That's news to me! The last I heard was that Armed Forces day is Saturday 25th June (I hate myself for that unintentional advertising), and now all of a sudden there's a whole week dedicated to them!

Why? Seriously, why?

It makes me feel physically sick when people refer to members of the armed forces as "our heroes" and "our lads & lasses" or whatever other nauseating term that's been dreamt up. They are people doing a job. A dangerous job, yes, but firefighters and police officers (amongst others) also put their lives at risk in their line of work but they don't get a whole day (let alone an entire fucking week) dedicated to them!

There was a story on The One Show last week about a soldier who refused to go back to a war zone. He was suffering psychologically and probably would've put himself & others in danger by going back, but that didn't stop some idiotic woman from verbally abusing him for making that decision. I for one think he's much braver for standing up to his 'superiors' than blindly going back to war; the obligation to the armed forces is ridiculous and a real reason to despise them utterly. I'll say the same thing I said on Twitter at the time: a job's a job and you should be able to quit. That's not too much to ask is it?

I'm not normally happy when a complaint from the minority is listened to over the voice of the majority, but I was very pleased when I heard the news about some Armed Forces Day banners being taken down as some people think it glorified war - it's about time people who think the same thing as me get our opinion heard! It continues to astound me there is such unquestioning loyalty to people who are labelled as heroes as soon as they join up... And the soldiers like to think of themselves as "peacekeepers"! Violence doesn't solve anything in my book.

Given that I've grown up in a staunch Conservative area, in a house that receives the Daily Mail every morning, I think it's something of an achievement that I've not been sucked into the whole army worship thing... More a miracle, actually!

It feels like I'm constantly having to justify myself for holding this opinion - that's right, people judge ME for not supporting perpetuators of war. If ever there's evidence that we're living in a topsy-turvy world, that's it!

Obviously I welcome any opinions you may have, so comment away on here or Facebook/Twitter. Judge me if you like, but you'll only back up my point of view further!

Lent days are over...

So it's all over! We have made it through Lent unscathed - well I have anyway. It's far too easy! I thought I was really challenging myself this year banning Twitter, but obviously my willpower is too strong. Already I'm thinking about next year... If this wasn't a challenge, then what would be? Answers on a postcard please!

One of my aims with giving up Twitter was to go out & experience the real world more - so what have got up to over the last 7 weeks?

I went to a dinner party for the first time ever; a fundraiser, Come Dine With Me style (although nobody volunteered to be the narrator!). Great food, great company, but I don't feel grown up enough to be doing dinner parties! Yes, I'm 24 this year, but that doesn't mean I'm a proper grown-up yet! I haven't got a proper job, my own house, etc - at the moment that seems a long way off...

My Italian learning carried on apace. I now know how to say that I'm unemployed ("Sono disoccupata") and that I'd prefer a fruit juice ("Preferisco un succo di frutta"). I do know other things, but not enough to feel confident about writing too much!

I went to see Miles Jupp at the Brewhouse - a comedy show about his experiences trying to become a cricket writer. Definitely put me off trying to do the same! If anything though, I'd prefer to be a sports photographer - you still get to see the game, but taking pictures is far easier (& more enjoyable) than trying to writing thousand-word pieces every day. It must really take the enjoyment out of it, despite the thrill of an official press pass ("It was blue, it was laminated, it had a lanyard!").

Going into school to help out on Red Nose Day in the middle of an energy-sapping cold was probably not the best idea... Especially as I ended up being a cake transporter, and generally got run ragged! Oddly enough, that one day was enough to make me reconsider the whole teacher training thing - I'm coming to the conclusion that teaching may be the only thing, in the short-term at least, that could give me some satisfaction whilst providing me with money. I've really got a bee in my bonnet about not being able to just do a job for the money; I'm not the kind of person who can put up with a non-rewarding job for too long, so it's surprising I lasted so long in the Co-Op! It's alright for some people - if all you want out of life is to work, earn money & get married then that's fine. What about the people who don't want that?

I had another work placement. Receptionist. Ooh. Well, it was better than the last one, but still not something I could do for too long. The people were nice & very welcoming - and this time I was actually told how to do everything rather than having to figure it out by myself! So that's some more money that will be coming in. Exciting having pay days again!

I've carried on being involved in my dad's quiz league team. I started to get quite good just as the season finished! But I've managed to contribute to the team getting promoted to Division 2 as champions; I get a trophy and EVERYTHING!

Baking has been a massive thing for me over the past few weeks. It's the main thing keeping me (vaguely) sane! Mainly baking stuff for us at home, but I also branched out into the world of celebration cakes... I made a sponge cake & decorated it for my Aunt & Uncle's 25th wedding anniversary meal - as a surprise too! I was quite proud of it actually; it took me a while to work out what to put on it, but once I'd decided on a blue, white & silver colour scheme it was fine. Plenty of time at work to sit & design cakes! (Seriously, there was - I had hardly anything to do most days.) I've also started to come up with my own recipes: no-bake refreshing lemon cheesecake & lemon shortbread for a start. Also invented a cookery niche - geek cookery! All because I thought it would be a good idea to make a version of Jammie Dodgers in time for the new series of Doctor Who... Well they taste good so that's all that matters!

My stargazing picked up a little when we started getting clear skies at night - I've even got my own planisphere now! I'm not hugely confident about how to use it, but I'll get there eventually...

I've even started exploring parts of the village I live in that I didn't even know existed! Very tiring though. At least there are some easy to reach bits of countryside that I can go for walks in - with the village being quite concentrated, most of the green is around the outside! Talking of walks, I attempted Glastonbury Tor for the first time in four years. My memory of it was very skewed! My lungs have just about recovered now!! Also went fossil hunting on Charmouth beach - rather than find many good fossils I had a dog slobber on me. Wunderbar...

I'm a member again at Somerset CCC - so I made the most of the third day of their opening Championship match... How I love to see my beloved team getting thrashed! Hopefully post-Lent they'll buck up their ideas.

I forgot how good the West Somerset Railway is too. Sunny weather for some reason made me keen to go & do a bit of trainspotting! Well, not really trainspotting - I didn't have a notebook with me to take the engine numbers down on! Definitely for the photography side, both of the trains and the station itself. It really feels like you've stepped back in time; they have a load of old advertising boards up, and obviously it's a steam railway so the trains are beautiful rather than the modern odd-looking things. I've got to have a trip on one soon, for definite!

Hmm. So I think I did get quite a bit done then! Sorry to bore you if you've read through the whole thing - maybe the pictures distracted you a bit? No? Well, sorry again. But again, if anyone has any brilliant Lent ideas for 2012 then do let me know; my creativity doesn't stretch to things like that!

Formula 1 Gourmet

Just looking at my dream blog you can see how odd my mind is, conscious or subconscious. So from that you won't be surprised that whilst watching the Malaysian Grand Prix this morning I started making F1 drivers into types of food... Well, the three-lettered abbreviations used on the TV coverage started it - KOB for Kobayashi. It just seemed obvious to me!

Here are some of the better ones:

• Corn on the Kob-ayashi
• Jenson Chocolate Button
• Lewis Glazed Ham-ilton
• Pasta Maldonado
• Jerome d'Ambrosia
• Sergio Pear-ez (thanks to my brother)
• Sebastian Vittel (thanks to my mum)
• Michael Choux-macher (thanks to my mum again)

Some of the not-so-good ones:

• Nico Ros-burger
• Paul di Restaurant
• Felipe Mas-sandwich
• Jarno Trulli Scrumptious

I think that's it... The floor's open to you now, dear reader. Comment on this post, or via Facebook or Twitter, with your own suggestions!

Give it up, give it up...

It's that time of year again: Lent! And it doesn't have to have anything to do with religion whatsoever, other than the timing. It's a personal challenge, a test of your willpower & strength of character - no matter how trivial the thing that's being forsaken. If it's important to you, it will be hard to give up.

So that's why I've come to the conclusion that my ritual of giving up pretty much all of the lovely bad food (cake, chocolate, crisps) is a bit wasted. It's FAR too easy!! That doesn't mean I'm not going to give up some of the naughty food again this year; it's such a nice feeling to know you've succeeded at something, I'm not letting that pass in a hurry.

But this year I've decided that I need to do something different, something really challenging. Which is why I'm having a break from Twitter. This may sound stupid to some of you, but it really is a useful tool if you find out how to use it properly - and checking it & interacting on it does become addictive. It's a whole different community. Contrary to popular belief, it's not all about self-interested celebrities telling the world they've just been to the toilet; anyone can use it, and for any means. I mainly use it as a soapbox.

Anyway. This isn't about me trying to convince cavemen & women who read the Daily Mail that Twitter isn't Satan's invention... I was attempting to show why it's so addictive, but I've probably just made myself sound odder! Trust me, it is addictive and that's why the part of me that wants to compete with myself thinks it's a really good idea to give it up for Lent. I'm too competitive for my own good sometimes...

So. What exactly does Lent entail for me?

• No cakes, crisps, sweets or chocolate bars.
• I'm still allowed biscuits, as I'd like to keep baking.
• No Twitter. Only exceptions are tweeting links to any blogposts, and checking for contact on Sundays.

That sounds about right.

The challenge is set.

True faith?

I came across this bizarre comment on an article about the possibility that the moon could have an effect on our weather when it gets really close to us on March 19th:

"We don't know much about how the universe acts on our planet climate but we all seem to accept the theory of evolution that MILLIONS of MILLIONS of MILLIONS years ago, man originated from the ape. yeah right,... hand me the banana please. Just shows how gullible we can be when we are willing to have blind faith on science about evolution and trust me, its blind faith. Here we don't even know much about how the moon will effect us but years ago, the mayans knew about dec 21 2010 and how the planets will align. No hubble telescope, no space shuttle, and yet they knew it. One must ask, how? oh i forgot, its millions of years ago.... haha I really hope those who swallow in blind faith the theory of evolution are right."

Seriously, how odd is that?! I'm not going to waste my time going through it and picking out every single thing that's wrong with it (I could be here until Easter, or even Christmas, at that rate), I just wanted to share it because it is utterly hilarious!

All I have to do is dream...

Now I normally leave the bizarre dreams to a certain Sarah Noble, but after last night I think I could be inducted into the 'Weird Dreams Club' officially.

Basically. It could be set now or at some time in the future, but we know there is alien life - and plenty of it. (When I say 'we' I mean humans, in case you didn't get that.) We have a space station, not dissimilar in looks to the ISS, devoted to intercepting any communications from these aliens - and for some reason I found myself in the dissection wing... All of a sudden the alien messengers (which looked like skeletons mostly, but had some flesh & blood around the neck and torso) seemed to start bleeding, then they sat up and started melting. People seemed quite scared at this point (no idea why!) and started rushing about the place.

Still with me?

Next we cut to planet Earth. By the looks of what's on the TV we've found out what's happened on the space station, and it seems to suggest that the entire planet is at risk of invasion. So naturally the bigwigs start making evacuation plans and everyone else panics. Groups of people start leaving, and then it comes to my turn. This is probably the weirdest part of the dream: Stephen Fry was there, and he'd acquired the power of making people teleport just by saying a particular phrase of Italian. As soon as I saw that I decided I didn't want anything to do with it, so I stayed on Earth...

Now I'm walking around, in somewhere that looks a bit like West Somerset Community College. There's a man there who's been branded some sort of outcast (because he never used to join in with anything) and is just sitting on the steps feeling lonely. Then all of a sudden a group of his old schoolmates & family turn up as they want to include him in their Stephen Fry teleport group, but want to get to know him better first. So he decides that he should teach them his own method of 400m hurdles, and we (I'm now part of the group too, for some reason) start running & hurdling down Long Street in Williton, going past the old Vets... When he taught us his special method it involved running sideways, spinning, and running sideways again somewhere in it - but I was the only one who did it properly.

In the end I know for definite that I was left on Earth. There hadn't been an invasion so anyone who was left just had the planet to themselves.

THE END

From humiliation to domination!

My memories of the last Ashes series down under are tainted by the fact that I was still working at the Co-Op at the time - although one good thing about that was that in the early hours after the staff Christmas party I came down to see England lose the 3rd Test, but I was still a wee bit drunk... Definitely cushions the blow!

No need this time, apparently! To think I was worried beforehand that I wasn't going to properly get into proceedings... As much as the pre-series talk is distracting or quickly forgotten once the action started I think I missed it this time round. You need the Glenn McGrath figure making outlandish predictions; I knew four years ago that I would miss him, and I was right!

Thankfully the way England have performed meant that I was drawn in from day 1 of the 1st Test. Nerves may have set in from the batsmen in the 1st innings, but they learned from their mistakes and the whole team have gone from strength to strength since. Whilst I agree with Freddie Flintoff that it's good to see a contest, I couldn't be more pleased that the Ashes urn is still in our possession! It's also great to be able to recycle headlines made about previous England teams & apply them to Australia's current one - 'Can't Bat, Can't Bowl, Can't Field' comes to mind...

So the first mission has been accomplished, but the final hurdle remains. As good as it is to retain the Ashes in their backyard, according to Beefy winning the series would be "the ultimate". So that's what we need to do. The team has got their celebrations out of the way (the hangover should be gone by now) and Australia have to cope with two debutants & a missing captain. Plus Sydney traditionally takes spin, so an uncharacteristically quiet Swann should be in his element.

Best of luck to the boys!