"Mrs Hudson, leave Baker Street? England would fall!"

So. Have you worked it out yet? Come on, you've had plenty of time!

That's alright - I haven't either. I've had plenty of ideas, but nothing plausible enough... Don't worry, I'm not going to bore you with all the obvious theories now!

Actually one of my favourite TV moments ever kicked off the new series: a point of high tension interrupted by Moriarty's phone going off. Whoever had the idea to put 'Stayin' Alive' as his ringtone is a comedy genius! A brilliant way to resolve the cliffhanger from series 1. What I also loved was the fast forward of the boys' cases since The Great Game, showing some more updated titles and the development of a little private (sorry, consulting) detective business - as well as the arrival of the iconic deerstalker!

I don't know if it was just me, but I thought this series as a whole had a lot more comedy injected; plenty of high drama and intriguing mystery as before, but I found myself laughing more and more. I think it definitely helps to show the development of John & Sherlock's relationship, as well as the latter's development as a person. True, he still can be extraordinarily cruel (poor Molly!) but definitely more human.

I had been looking forward to Sherlock's encounter with Irene Adler - two razor-sharp brains jousting and jostling for position - and I wasn't disappointed! Let's not go into the whole Daily Fail nudity "scandal", completely the whole missing the whole point of the storyline... Are we surprised?

A very strong start to the new series from my point of view; billed as 'the woman who beats Sherlock' I think she did just that. It may not have been in the expected way of getting the better of him, but it definitely was both in the physical sense (think of that whip) and in the fact that he comes running when she finds herself in mortal danger to me definitely means a part of Sherlock's character has been beaten. Or just a typical Moffat ending!

Quotes of the week:

"I take the precaution of a good coat and a short friend."
"I always hear 'punch me in the face' when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext."

So if we get to see Sherlock getting in touch with his more sentimental side in the first episode, in the second we see him experiencing the crippling sensation of doubt. And not taking it too well!!

You can always rely on Mark Gatiss to bring a horror flavour, and the moody backdrop of Dartmoor (the real thing!) sets this off perfectly. It must be tempting to caricature the West Country when a programme is set there - I'm pleased to report that this didn't in the slightest! Yes, there was the appearance of a token accent (nicely Devonian in my book), but instead of making the locals look like the odd ones the focus is firmly on Baskerville and its creations. Including the mysterious glow-in-the-dark rabbit, Bluebell - I do like an interesting use of gfp! All I've used it for is to make fluorescent bacterial cells...

The whole idea of using the shadowy scientific research facility was a clever one, and also frightening - in different ways. It shows that a lot of people probably still are apprehensive at what goes on inside a laboratory, but then hearing the characters describing how anything could be feasible (within a Kubrick-esque environment) even sent a bit of a shudder down my spine. But remember kids: Science is not the enemy!

I've heard complaints about the resolution of this episode; firstly, a modern-day version can hardly have a ghost dog, and secondly, I guessed the link with the hollow and the fog before Sherlock! Without using a "mind palace"!! But, as was the case with recent Doctor Who, I'd imagine I wasn't the only one.

Russell Tovey was utterly brilliant as Henry - poor drugged, grief-stricken Henry... The patio scene would've made me jumpy enough, but the sheer terror in his eyes and the instinctual reactions just took it to a new level. Pats on the back all round then!

Quotes of the week:

"Did we just break into a military base to investigate a rabbit?"
"Once you've ruled out the impossible whatever remains, however improbable, must be true."

As soon as I saw the opening scene to The Reichenbach Fall I knew I was going to be in for a rough ride, emotions-wise. We all knew something like that was bound to happen, but just didn't want to believe it! And now all we want to do is work out how Sherlock ended up watching over his own grave right at the end... Supposedly there's a clue that "everyone's missed" - Sherlock doing something out of character. No matter how much I re-watch it I just can't see anything!

Other than the obvious talking point, it was yet another enthralling episode. Moriarty committing the "Crime of the Century" (now that's what I call a smartphone), a lovely spot of tea, and John's first visit to the Diogenes Club, where he commits the cardinal sin of talking! Clearly he's not watched 'Top Hat' before...

They managed to cram so much into one episode - it's a wonder they've got any material left for a third series, especially with Moriarty gone too! It was criticised by some for being "too wordy"; given the fact that Sherlock works off quickness of thought, it wouldn't work any other way. Otherwise how will we know what's going on?

Finally, Martin Freeman. What a performance from him! I defy anyone not to feel even the teensiest bit emotional during his soliloquy at Sherlock's grave. If you didn't feel anything you truly have a heart of stone! It was such a blokey, awkward show of emotion, but that made it seem all the more genuine and heartfelt. I hate crying in front of people, but watching this for the first time (with parents and brother in the room) I couldn't hold back the tears - maybe I was tired, but maybe I'm just a very "human human being".

Quotes of the week:

"You. Repel. Me."
"Falling's just like flying, except there's a more permanent destination."

So. We're still in for a long wait to find out the exact details of Sherlock's daring escape. Quite frankly, my brain can't take it anymore!

No time for losers...

All the signs were there. An uninterested India scraped through their warm up match against Somerset - a loss only prevented by a tactical decision to not enforce the follow-on, and focus on getting the England captain into form rather than India's batsmen. Sachin could only be bothered to field for a short time, Zaheer was carrying a spare tyre, the international bowlers could get nothing out of a familiar looking pitch, and the international batsmen threw their wickets away like it was going out of fashion! So, er, not a great start...

Prior to the Test series I was confident of an England win, however 4-0 was out of the question. Firstly, would we get four full matches in? Secondly, England are good - but are they that good? Finally, India are number 1 so they'll put up a struggle.

WRONG!!

Even the most optimistic and faithful England fan would've been sitting there waiting for India to, well, get good. They were lucky that Dravid was bothered, otherwise each match would've been over by day 3! And I won't accept the standard argument from India fans that they had too many injuries. You were the number 1 side, you should have plenty of strength in depth - y'know, like England! Had Indian players not focused on the IPL or comfort eating during their time off then they'd have fared much better. I'd also suggest that either Dhoni needs some serious keeping practice, or that India find someone who can cope with seaming and swinging conditions - it speaks volumes that his very part-time bowling was better than his wicketkeeping! He only just redeemed himself towards the end of the series by getting some runs... I won't go into his iffy captaincy now, other than to say that he's definitely not "one of the greatest captains ever".

But back to the series. Let's look at the facts:

• England took 80 wickets in the series - i.e. the most they could possibly get;
• India only took 47 wickets - and 20 of them were in one match;
• India only reached 300 once, and that was in the final Test;
• Three England batsmen each scored a double hundred - there were four further centuries;
• Dravid scored all three of the hundreds made by Indian batsmen;
• Seven of England's batsmen averaged over 50 in the series;
• Only one Indian batsman (you guessed it, Rahul Dravid) averaged above 50;
• England's bowlers recorded four five wicket hauls - two of which were 6-fers;
• Only Praveen Kumar ended up with a single 5-fer for India.

Oh, and England's margins of victory were MASSIVE!!

India didn't play like they were world number 1, except when they managed to bowl England out for 221 at Trent Bridge - but they couldn't even keep going from there.

England fully deserve to be at number 1; they're ruthless, have great strength in depth, and actually look like they want to be playing a Test match!

I was actually quite bullish before the series, taking on any India fan that dared criticise England, and consequently I got extremely impatient for the contest to begin. It has been like a dream (except for the selectors continuing to back the useless Bopara) - it feels so satisfying to be smug and say to all the deluded India fans that have crossed me:

4-0.

P.S. Even when we get to India's specialist subject of Twenty20 they STILL can't get a win against their hosts. Granted, it was the closest they've come to beating England on the tour so far - but it didn't happen. Better luck in the ODI series, World Champions!

A Topsy-Turvy World...

*WARNING: the following post may contain pure anger*

So apparently it's Armed Forces week. That's news to me! The last I heard was that Armed Forces day is Saturday 25th June (I hate myself for that unintentional advertising), and now all of a sudden there's a whole week dedicated to them!

Why? Seriously, why?

It makes me feel physically sick when people refer to members of the armed forces as "our heroes" and "our lads & lasses" or whatever other nauseating term that's been dreamt up. They are people doing a job. A dangerous job, yes, but firefighters and police officers (amongst others) also put their lives at risk in their line of work but they don't get a whole day (let alone an entire fucking week) dedicated to them!

There was a story on The One Show last week about a soldier who refused to go back to a war zone. He was suffering psychologically and probably would've put himself & others in danger by going back, but that didn't stop some idiotic woman from verbally abusing him for making that decision. I for one think he's much braver for standing up to his 'superiors' than blindly going back to war; the obligation to the armed forces is ridiculous and a real reason to despise them utterly. I'll say the same thing I said on Twitter at the time: a job's a job and you should be able to quit. That's not too much to ask is it?

I'm not normally happy when a complaint from the minority is listened to over the voice of the majority, but I was very pleased when I heard the news about some Armed Forces Day banners being taken down as some people think it glorified war - it's about time people who think the same thing as me get our opinion heard! It continues to astound me there is such unquestioning loyalty to people who are labelled as heroes as soon as they join up... And the soldiers like to think of themselves as "peacekeepers"! Violence doesn't solve anything in my book.

Given that I've grown up in a staunch Conservative area, in a house that receives the Daily Mail every morning, I think it's something of an achievement that I've not been sucked into the whole army worship thing... More a miracle, actually!

It feels like I'm constantly having to justify myself for holding this opinion - that's right, people judge ME for not supporting perpetuators of war. If ever there's evidence that we're living in a topsy-turvy world, that's it!

Obviously I welcome any opinions you may have, so comment away on here or Facebook/Twitter. Judge me if you like, but you'll only back up my point of view further!

Lent days are over...

So it's all over! We have made it through Lent unscathed - well I have anyway. It's far too easy! I thought I was really challenging myself this year banning Twitter, but obviously my willpower is too strong. Already I'm thinking about next year... If this wasn't a challenge, then what would be? Answers on a postcard please!

One of my aims with giving up Twitter was to go out & experience the real world more - so what have got up to over the last 7 weeks?

I went to a dinner party for the first time ever; a fundraiser, Come Dine With Me style (although nobody volunteered to be the narrator!). Great food, great company, but I don't feel grown up enough to be doing dinner parties! Yes, I'm 24 this year, but that doesn't mean I'm a proper grown-up yet! I haven't got a proper job, my own house, etc - at the moment that seems a long way off...

My Italian learning carried on apace. I now know how to say that I'm unemployed ("Sono disoccupata") and that I'd prefer a fruit juice ("Preferisco un succo di frutta"). I do know other things, but not enough to feel confident about writing too much!

I went to see Miles Jupp at the Brewhouse - a comedy show about his experiences trying to become a cricket writer. Definitely put me off trying to do the same! If anything though, I'd prefer to be a sports photographer - you still get to see the game, but taking pictures is far easier (& more enjoyable) than trying to writing thousand-word pieces every day. It must really take the enjoyment out of it, despite the thrill of an official press pass ("It was blue, it was laminated, it had a lanyard!").

Going into school to help out on Red Nose Day in the middle of an energy-sapping cold was probably not the best idea... Especially as I ended up being a cake transporter, and generally got run ragged! Oddly enough, that one day was enough to make me reconsider the whole teacher training thing - I'm coming to the conclusion that teaching may be the only thing, in the short-term at least, that could give me some satisfaction whilst providing me with money. I've really got a bee in my bonnet about not being able to just do a job for the money; I'm not the kind of person who can put up with a non-rewarding job for too long, so it's surprising I lasted so long in the Co-Op! It's alright for some people - if all you want out of life is to work, earn money & get married then that's fine. What about the people who don't want that?

I had another work placement. Receptionist. Ooh. Well, it was better than the last one, but still not something I could do for too long. The people were nice & very welcoming - and this time I was actually told how to do everything rather than having to figure it out by myself! So that's some more money that will be coming in. Exciting having pay days again!

I've carried on being involved in my dad's quiz league team. I started to get quite good just as the season finished! But I've managed to contribute to the team getting promoted to Division 2 as champions; I get a trophy and EVERYTHING!

Baking has been a massive thing for me over the past few weeks. It's the main thing keeping me (vaguely) sane! Mainly baking stuff for us at home, but I also branched out into the world of celebration cakes... I made a sponge cake & decorated it for my Aunt & Uncle's 25th wedding anniversary meal - as a surprise too! I was quite proud of it actually; it took me a while to work out what to put on it, but once I'd decided on a blue, white & silver colour scheme it was fine. Plenty of time at work to sit & design cakes! (Seriously, there was - I had hardly anything to do most days.) I've also started to come up with my own recipes: no-bake refreshing lemon cheesecake & lemon shortbread for a start. Also invented a cookery niche - geek cookery! All because I thought it would be a good idea to make a version of Jammie Dodgers in time for the new series of Doctor Who... Well they taste good so that's all that matters!

My stargazing picked up a little when we started getting clear skies at night - I've even got my own planisphere now! I'm not hugely confident about how to use it, but I'll get there eventually...

I've even started exploring parts of the village I live in that I didn't even know existed! Very tiring though. At least there are some easy to reach bits of countryside that I can go for walks in - with the village being quite concentrated, most of the green is around the outside! Talking of walks, I attempted Glastonbury Tor for the first time in four years. My memory of it was very skewed! My lungs have just about recovered now!! Also went fossil hunting on Charmouth beach - rather than find many good fossils I had a dog slobber on me. Wunderbar...

I'm a member again at Somerset CCC - so I made the most of the third day of their opening Championship match... How I love to see my beloved team getting thrashed! Hopefully post-Lent they'll buck up their ideas.

I forgot how good the West Somerset Railway is too. Sunny weather for some reason made me keen to go & do a bit of trainspotting! Well, not really trainspotting - I didn't have a notebook with me to take the engine numbers down on! Definitely for the photography side, both of the trains and the station itself. It really feels like you've stepped back in time; they have a load of old advertising boards up, and obviously it's a steam railway so the trains are beautiful rather than the modern odd-looking things. I've got to have a trip on one soon, for definite!

Hmm. So I think I did get quite a bit done then! Sorry to bore you if you've read through the whole thing - maybe the pictures distracted you a bit? No? Well, sorry again. But again, if anyone has any brilliant Lent ideas for 2012 then do let me know; my creativity doesn't stretch to things like that!

Formula 1 Gourmet

Just looking at my dream blog you can see how odd my mind is, conscious or subconscious. So from that you won't be surprised that whilst watching the Malaysian Grand Prix this morning I started making F1 drivers into types of food... Well, the three-lettered abbreviations used on the TV coverage started it - KOB for Kobayashi. It just seemed obvious to me!

Here are some of the better ones:

• Corn on the Kob-ayashi
• Jenson Chocolate Button
• Lewis Glazed Ham-ilton
• Pasta Maldonado
• Jerome d'Ambrosia
• Sergio Pear-ez (thanks to my brother)
• Sebastian Vittel (thanks to my mum)
• Michael Choux-macher (thanks to my mum again)

Some of the not-so-good ones:

• Nico Ros-burger
• Paul di Restaurant
• Felipe Mas-sandwich
• Jarno Trulli Scrumptious

I think that's it... The floor's open to you now, dear reader. Comment on this post, or via Facebook or Twitter, with your own suggestions!

Give it up, give it up...

It's that time of year again: Lent! And it doesn't have to have anything to do with religion whatsoever, other than the timing. It's a personal challenge, a test of your willpower & strength of character - no matter how trivial the thing that's being forsaken. If it's important to you, it will be hard to give up.

So that's why I've come to the conclusion that my ritual of giving up pretty much all of the lovely bad food (cake, chocolate, crisps) is a bit wasted. It's FAR too easy!! That doesn't mean I'm not going to give up some of the naughty food again this year; it's such a nice feeling to know you've succeeded at something, I'm not letting that pass in a hurry.

But this year I've decided that I need to do something different, something really challenging. Which is why I'm having a break from Twitter. This may sound stupid to some of you, but it really is a useful tool if you find out how to use it properly - and checking it & interacting on it does become addictive. It's a whole different community. Contrary to popular belief, it's not all about self-interested celebrities telling the world they've just been to the toilet; anyone can use it, and for any means. I mainly use it as a soapbox.

Anyway. This isn't about me trying to convince cavemen & women who read the Daily Mail that Twitter isn't Satan's invention... I was attempting to show why it's so addictive, but I've probably just made myself sound odder! Trust me, it is addictive and that's why the part of me that wants to compete with myself thinks it's a really good idea to give it up for Lent. I'm too competitive for my own good sometimes...

So. What exactly does Lent entail for me?

• No cakes, crisps, sweets or chocolate bars.
• I'm still allowed biscuits, as I'd like to keep baking.
• No Twitter. Only exceptions are tweeting links to any blogposts, and checking for contact on Sundays.

That sounds about right.

The challenge is set.

True faith?

I came across this bizarre comment on an article about the possibility that the moon could have an effect on our weather when it gets really close to us on March 19th:

"We don't know much about how the universe acts on our planet climate but we all seem to accept the theory of evolution that MILLIONS of MILLIONS of MILLIONS years ago, man originated from the ape. yeah right,... hand me the banana please. Just shows how gullible we can be when we are willing to have blind faith on science about evolution and trust me, its blind faith. Here we don't even know much about how the moon will effect us but years ago, the mayans knew about dec 21 2010 and how the planets will align. No hubble telescope, no space shuttle, and yet they knew it. One must ask, how? oh i forgot, its millions of years ago.... haha I really hope those who swallow in blind faith the theory of evolution are right."

Seriously, how odd is that?! I'm not going to waste my time going through it and picking out every single thing that's wrong with it (I could be here until Easter, or even Christmas, at that rate), I just wanted to share it because it is utterly hilarious!

All I have to do is dream...

Now I normally leave the bizarre dreams to a certain Sarah Noble, but after last night I think I could be inducted into the 'Weird Dreams Club' officially.

Basically. It could be set now or at some time in the future, but we know there is alien life - and plenty of it. (When I say 'we' I mean humans, in case you didn't get that.) We have a space station, not dissimilar in looks to the ISS, devoted to intercepting any communications from these aliens - and for some reason I found myself in the dissection wing... All of a sudden the alien messengers (which looked like skeletons mostly, but had some flesh & blood around the neck and torso) seemed to start bleeding, then they sat up and started melting. People seemed quite scared at this point (no idea why!) and started rushing about the place.

Still with me?

Next we cut to planet Earth. By the looks of what's on the TV we've found out what's happened on the space station, and it seems to suggest that the entire planet is at risk of invasion. So naturally the bigwigs start making evacuation plans and everyone else panics. Groups of people start leaving, and then it comes to my turn. This is probably the weirdest part of the dream: Stephen Fry was there, and he'd acquired the power of making people teleport just by saying a particular phrase of Italian. As soon as I saw that I decided I didn't want anything to do with it, so I stayed on Earth...

Now I'm walking around, in somewhere that looks a bit like West Somerset Community College. There's a man there who's been branded some sort of outcast (because he never used to join in with anything) and is just sitting on the steps feeling lonely. Then all of a sudden a group of his old schoolmates & family turn up as they want to include him in their Stephen Fry teleport group, but want to get to know him better first. So he decides that he should teach them his own method of 400m hurdles, and we (I'm now part of the group too, for some reason) start running & hurdling down Long Street in Williton, going past the old Vets... When he taught us his special method it involved running sideways, spinning, and running sideways again somewhere in it - but I was the only one who did it properly.

In the end I know for definite that I was left on Earth. There hadn't been an invasion so anyone who was left just had the planet to themselves.

THE END

From humiliation to domination!

My memories of the last Ashes series down under are tainted by the fact that I was still working at the Co-Op at the time - although one good thing about that was that in the early hours after the staff Christmas party I came down to see England lose the 3rd Test, but I was still a wee bit drunk... Definitely cushions the blow!

No need this time, apparently! To think I was worried beforehand that I wasn't going to properly get into proceedings... As much as the pre-series talk is distracting or quickly forgotten once the action started I think I missed it this time round. You need the Glenn McGrath figure making outlandish predictions; I knew four years ago that I would miss him, and I was right!

Thankfully the way England have performed meant that I was drawn in from day 1 of the 1st Test. Nerves may have set in from the batsmen in the 1st innings, but they learned from their mistakes and the whole team have gone from strength to strength since. Whilst I agree with Freddie Flintoff that it's good to see a contest, I couldn't be more pleased that the Ashes urn is still in our possession! It's also great to be able to recycle headlines made about previous England teams & apply them to Australia's current one - 'Can't Bat, Can't Bowl, Can't Field' comes to mind...

So the first mission has been accomplished, but the final hurdle remains. As good as it is to retain the Ashes in their backyard, according to Beefy winning the series would be "the ultimate". So that's what we need to do. The team has got their celebrations out of the way (the hangover should be gone by now) and Australia have to cope with two debutants & a missing captain. Plus Sydney traditionally takes spin, so an uncharacteristically quiet Swann should be in his element.

Best of luck to the boys!

Feathers, nerves, dinosaurs & space...

Anyone who knows me is well aware of my feelings in terms of religion: I don't believe in a god of any kind, but if others do then that's up to them. As long as they don't preach at me. Or knock on my door, child in tow (bloody Jehovah's Witnesses). I always thought that was a fair deal.

The thing is I've now come to breaking point - I've had to put up with the Taunton preacher too many times (patronising as well as preaching), had the JWs a'knocking and been spammed constantly on Twitter. Why should I just sit there and take it? I use Newton's Third Law of Motions as an excuse far too many times, but this is how I see it.

Unlike Richard Dawkins, I don't blame religion for everything that's wrong with the world. I do agree with most things he says but he does go a tad far in some of his views for my liking. Plus you really shouldn't blindly agree with everything one person says, or take an old book as the absolute truth unquestioningly. That's all it is. A book.

I was very surprised by the reaction to what Professor Stephen Hawking wrote in his new book. Only as a child have I ever considered that the Universe was created by a divine force - but even then I was far too interested in dinosaurs and space, so I dismissed it very early on. Having to attend three Church of England schools (first, middle and college) wasn't the best, but it probably helped me to form my views on religion. The only thing that I reacted badly to was being forced to sing carols at Christmas, and I mean forced. I had to resort to miming. People would think I was overreacting, but music means something to me - it doesn't sit well with me being made to sing about things you don't believe in.

One of my favourite things at school was learning about Ancient Greece; I was especially interested in all their myths and legends. They made these stories up (including the gods that featured in them) to explain things that happened around them. This makes sense as science was in its early stages at that time -for example, they wouldn't know that sunrise was down to the movement of Earth in space, so they decided it was down to the sun god Helios driving the chariot of the sun across the sky. All very understandable.

That's when it hit me this week. If the Ancient Greeks invented these gods and stories to explain everyday life, then what stopped the early Christians, Muslims, Jews, etc. from making up their own stories to explain life? The answer is 'nothing'. That's what their religions are. It's just their stories are written down in holy books so it looks official.

Yes, there are plenty of things that came into existence thanks to religion (the legal system, etc.), but I'd like to think that we could've come up with things like that anyway. Common sense is always helpful. I know some people need a bit of a boost of this, but there are enough people with ample sense to do things like this. Surely?!

The big question is, how have these religions lasted this long when others have died out? Obviously civilisations like the Romans and the Ancient Greeks have come and gone, but since then we've come through the Enlightenment and the Industrial Revolution with great scientific advances. We're currently living in the 'Digital Age' but there is still religion. It should have lost its primary aim by now, as most things can be explained scientifically, yet there are still some who reject evolution. Despite evidence. Where there's well-documented evidence how can you think it's up to whether you believe it or not?! One of my pet hates is when people say that it's still the 'theory of evolution'. This is merely a technicality; there is enough evidence available for it to be scientific fact - you'll have to do better than that!

One of the few things that makes me glad that religion has existed is related to architecture. You can't beat a lovely English village church, or amazing gothic cathedral. You just can't.

So that's it. I've probably managed to ruffle a few feathers, touch a nerve or two, but for once I don't want to have to talk in riddles. I welcome any comments. What have you got?

Talent will out...

Big Brother has a lot to answer for. It has made us into the 'quick fix' society we live in today - these days you're more likely to be known if you've pratted around on TV in a house for a few months than if you've actually achieved something worthwhile in your life. How did we get this lazy?

Even from the first series, when I heard what it was about, I couldn't understand the fascination. People said it was "addictive" - but how? People-watching I get, but that's real. It's not run by a group of producers who chose certain people because they knew they'd clash and "make good telly"... It's called reality TV but it just isn't. You're quite deluded if you think it is.

Since its inception, we've had to endure countless other programmes in the same genre; Popstars (to Popstars: The Rivals, Pop Idol and The X Factor), Fame Academy, Britain's Got Talent, The Apprentice... All would foist 'undiscovered talent' on us, and for what purpose? Oh yes, to make them famous for a while. Admittedly some of the winners of these programmes have managed to survive for quite a few years, but that doesn't really make it better. Take The X Factor and its previous incarnations, for example. The point of that programme (as I see it) is to take some ordinary folk, see if they can hit one note out of fifty, dress them up like real-life dolls, force them to perform in as demeaning a way as possible and eventually find a 'winner' - slowly but surely sucking the individuality and character out of them, until they're just another Cowell clone, built to the specifications of that particular year. The whole point of music is that it means something to you, and the person singing it should feel it - I've yet to see a 'reality' singer who does that. I doubt I ever will.

After we got bored of Joe Public (I say "we", what I mean is the audience watching this tat) it was inevitable that the 'celebrity' versions would appear, or even brand new concepts especially for 'celebrities'. The only positive to take out of this is that we don't get a brand new 'talent' forced upon us, we just get reintroduced to the washed up and forgotten 'talent' from yesteryear, or even just a few weeks ago... So the kind of things we get are Celebrity Big Brother, Dancing On Ice, I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!, Strictly Come Dancing, etc. I'll admit now that I do like to watch Strictly, quite how it snuck under the radar I don't know, but it did. The others can quite simply go to Hell! Charity versions of 'reality' shows are vaguely excusable (for example Comic/Sport Relief Does The Apprentice) - I still probably wouldn't watch them, but at least some good is being done.

Some good news is on the horizon for people like me, Big Brother is finally coming to an end. Not last night, as I was led to believe, but in just over a fortnight. How it has lasted this long is a mystery - nothing else would survive the drop in viewing figures over a matter of years, why is this excluded from the rule? It doesn't inspire me that something as utterly pointless as Big Brother has survived and other original ideas for programmes have been binned without the creators being able to realise the full potential. And people wonder why I get angry!

It's not a case of me wanting all the programmes I dislike to be taken off air - that would be great for me, but I do know what the word 'compromise' means (unlike some people I know). I also dislike pretty much all daytime TV (don't even get me started on Jeremy Kyle), but I'm willing to let that stay. Firstly, I don't ever see any of it - and I can't recall that any of it has had as detrimental an effect on society as 'reality' TV has. It sounds like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but I'm seeing the bigger picture. It's a matter of principle for me; a struggle against the underlying annoyance caused by it. Call me melodramatic if you like, I prefer 'enthusiastic'.


Talent will out.

"The name's Sherlock Holmes, and the address is 221b Baker Street..."

"The game, Mrs Hudson, is on!"



Yes, this is about the wonderful creation that is 'Sherlock'. I've been saying this to everyone anyway, but as soon as I even heard that they were going to be making it (months & months ago) I knew it would be good - now that I've actually seen it, I've come to the conclusion that it may just be one of my favourite programmes ever... I can find a few people who'd probably agree with that statement too!



The thing is, it may not have worked with a different lead pairing. Benedict Cumberbatch (best name ever?) is perfect as Holmes, Martin Freeman is brilliant as Dr Watson - and together they are just fantastic! There's also great support from Rupert Graves (Lestrade), as well as a host of other regular characters.



Some people may have been skeptical - yet another crime drama, a modern version of a classic novel series - but it is just my sort of thing, plus I think the BBC does a very good job of the modern re-takes. They are different entities, but I loved the updated Canterbury Tales, Shakespeare and Fairy Tales. And personally, I'd much rather the licence fee was spent on a quality detective drama than some 'talent' show which would make me want to rip my eyeballs out with my toes and burst my eardrums with a red-hot poker...



But what about the episodes themselves? (I'll try not to give too much away in case you haven't watched them - still available on iPlayer until Sunday!)




"A Study In Pink"



Series opener. Obviously a way to introduce the characters (even though 99.9% of the audience will know who most of them are anyway!), but without taking anything away from Sherlock's adventures.



Dr John H. Watson is recently back from the war zone and struggling to fit into 'normal' life; he seems to be getting nowhere with his therapist, has trust issues and can't afford to live on his own in London. Predictable, yes, but this is how he meets Sherlock Holmes (through a mutual friend) and ends up going into a flatshare knowing very little about his flatmate - other than that he apparently plays the violin when he's thinking! Before too long a case arrives and the timeless pair of Holmes & Watson set to work. In this episode there is a string of apparent suicides, but strangely they are linked. Naturally, Holmes is adamant it's a serial killer ("there's always something to look forward to!") and sets out to prove it - but he doesn't just want to find the killer, he needs to understand every last detail of the case to call it a result. As you can imagine, this leads to further trouble as Sherlock can't resist a challenge!



Quote of the week: "I'm in shock, look I've got a blanket!"



Other than the story, the characters and the setting, there were two things I absolutely loved. Firstly, any thought processes, texts and data searches appear on the screen. This adds another dimension to the programme, plus it means you don't get weighed down in dialogue; you have a chance to process their thoughts as your own, making the plot easier to follow. Secondly, the music. Mainly the jaunty and upbeat scores - they remind me a lot of the soundtrack to last year's BBC2 drama 'Desperate Romantics' (something else I'm a huge fan of). Modern enough to work, but hints of Victorian - just to remind you where all this has come from!




"The Blind Banker"



The first thing we see is a set of 400 year old teapots, which apparently need to be used in order to stay intact - I'm not arguing, stick the kettle on! Meanwhile our dynamic duo are in trying situations; one battling a self-service checkout, the other having a swordfight in the flat. I'll leave you to work out which is which!



This episode centres around mysterious killings - seemingly impossible, but bookended with graffiti and an origami lotus flower... It all points to a ring of smugglers hiding behind a cipher using a book that all the members own. Despite the busy nature of the crime solving, Watson has time to get a job as a locum and start dating a colleague, Sarah. Needless to say their first date is fairly eventful, but will the case get solved in time?



Quote of the week: "Don't eat while I'm working, digestion slows me down!"




For me it wasn't quite up to the level set by the first episode, but that's not to say it wasn't excellent still. The acting was brilliant as ever, just the story a bit lacking perhaps - I couldn't quite put my finger on it! As I said, still thoroughly enjoyable; whet our appetite for the series finale.





"The Great Game"




The final episode of the brief first series opens in Minsk. The interaction between Sherlock and a prisoner actually goes no further, but I really enjoyed this little part - it mainly consisted of Sherlock correcting the man's grammar rather than helping him like he is asked. Any of you who know me will be well aware of my feelings about correct grammar (not that mine is perfect mind!), so I could definitely relate to the character in this respect. Once the opening credits closed it appeared Sherlock was bored, but unable to cope with it whatsoever. When I was a child I was very much like this - someone's still like this now! Although I must say that neither of us have ever gone to the extreme of shooting the living room wall...



This week there are a series of puzzles designed for Sherlock to solve, and a hostage to save on each one. On top of this is a case of national importance given to Watson by Sherlock's brother - they don't do things by halves! The episode all builds up to the unveiling of the mysterious Moriarty. There's been a lot of criticism about the way he was played, but I really enjoyed his performance. It's always good when the villain makes you laugh, as you always want to see more of them. But that could just be me!



Quote of the week: "The wall had it coming!"



I think this episode was back up to the standard set in the first, and it definitely leaves you wanting more!





It has been confirmed that there will be a new series, but it hasn't yet been decided how many episodes there will be or any timescale... Each instalment will still be 90 minutes long, so this probably means there's less chance of the series being much longer than three episodes - fingers crossed though!


Here's the link to all of the episodes on iPlayer:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/search/tv/?q=sherlock


Elementary...

Mon aventure parisienne, pt. 2: "Cav train"

Sunday 25th July 2010. A day I will always remember - my first (and let's face it, probably last) afternoon in a VIP tent. Greeted with champagne and with the best view in the house:

That's not to say it wasn't a bit of a chore getting to this point... A lot of people seemed to have camped out quite early in order to get a decent spot along the Champs-Elysees, and for some reason the officials thought it was necessary to make people take the scenic route to the VIP areas. Don't they know who we are?! I had been hoping that we'd be given backstage pass-esque tickets on lanyards - to me they just seem more official. We were actually given a wristband, which is more a festival or freshers' week thing. There is usually a challenge with these: keep it on as long as is humanly possible. Mine lasted until Tuesday evening, as it actually came undone. That never happens!

We had been given a timetable with our invitations, but you always get the feeling that it wouldn't be kept to. Especially considering our host seemed to have problems getting into the tent! Corin (from Sky) was great; really welcoming and got us settled into an environment which was definitely alien to us. The tent was really nice, but not at all how I'd imagined it - in a good way, obviously! To be honest, I didn't know what to expect so trying to second guess it was probably a little pointless. There were about six tables inside the tent itself, with nine seats each. The best bit about these tables was the decoration in the middle; green bath salt style stuff made into hill shapes, with models of cyclists placed among them! Brilliant!

To top that off we even had a VIP goodie bag - not the usual kind of thing inside it, but something that will come in useful and should actually last.

Along with the dining tables we also had several small wooden picnic tables with parasols on the decking just outside of the tent. Considering the amount of people that were invited it seemed a bit odd that there wasn't a huge amount of space for actually watching the Tour de France circuits!

But before all that it was time for some food. We'd been given the choice of some aperatifs which were handed round by the waiters while we got used to our surroundings. The starters were to share, but they really didn't look all that appetising to me... I did make sure I tried bits of everything - I think I probably ate more of the tomato slices than anything else! When it came to the main course I didn't do much better either. The menu said: veal surprise served with white asparagus and a sherry vinegar jus. I'd never tried veal before, but that went down alright - it was more the 'surprise' element that I didn't go for. It appeared to be heart. I didn't really know what it was at the time; I tried it and didn't like the texture of it - I wasn't being fussy or squeamish, I genuinely disliked it. The white asparagus part was fairly nice to start with, but there was just too much of it - plus the huge lump of garlic was a bit offputting... As Phoebe said in Friends, "There are other ingredients Monica!" So the main was a bit rich, although the meat was perfectly cooked. I didn't go hungry due to the richness, so that was a bonus!

At least once we got to the dessert stage I was safe. Unfortunately I was still a bit full from the rest of the food so I couldn't have much (compared to some of the other people sat with us), but what I did have was delightful! A slice of strawberry tart and a slice of galette with a raspberry topping. I'm salivating at the thought!

In between the courses the publicity caravan was in full swing. In case you're unfamiliar with the idea, basically a load of cars and floats driving up and down the Champs-Elysees. They have written on them the names of the main sponsors and inside them are bouncy, crazy people having a bit of a dance and trying to gee up the crowd. A lot of them coming past us also wished us "bon appetit" as they drove past!

Annoyingly the riders seemed to be delayed by about an hour. That's all we could work out, as the only announcements were in French, but far too fast and on a dodgy PA system so there was no chance of me being able to make any decent translation! As it turns out most of it was down to a certain Lance Armstrong and his team... I have the utmost respect for him and everything he's done, but I could have missed the end of the stage. That would've been the most pointless thing ever! Thankfully I didn't miss the end, as they got into Paris just in time. Lucky!

As we'd walked along the Seine quite a bit the day before I could vaguely recognise some of the roads, as well as how close they were to us. It was truly amazing when the riders crossed the finish line the first time to start their circuits in Paris! The atmosphere really came to life after drifting a bit.

By this time I'd been standing by the railings for almost an hour, as I wanted to make sure I could actually see what was going on - being a short person I've learnt this is essential! As my dad is taller he didn't bother, instead he stayed at the table for longer to have more dessert, some coffee and a chat with Jill Douglas. You know, Jill Douglas - the blonde Scottish woman who pops up during the Six Nations and occasionally at the velodrome? The only slightly famous person in our section of the VIP tent, oh yes.

Thankfully there was a big screen just opposite to where we were, so when the riders were coming back down from the Arc de Triomphe or Place de la Concorde we could see - so cameras were at the ready! I was getting pretty good at it by the end; it didn't help that the cars seemed to be filtered from lap to lap, so you couldn't just remember which was the closest to the bikes. But you knew when the cyclists were practically with you as rounds of applause started up within earshot - that was our cue to start climbing onto the railings to get a good view! I do feel quite bad as I didn't really clap them very much, but I was not going to waste the opportunity to try and take some great photos. I might need them later in life when I start forgetting more and more things that have happened to me! Especially as I managed to get a couple of shots of one of my heroes, a certain Bradley Wiggins. He actually cycled right past me, but it was impossible to tell at the time. Another amazing thing was when they came past us from the Arc de Triomphe - it's downhill so the peloton went even faster and created a lovely breeze on the second half of each lap!

We kept hearing "Mark Cavendish" (quite funny in a French accent), so took that to be a good thing. Yes, it was possible to see the Team HTC-Columbia riders each time, but telling them apart was a different matter.

It was when it got towards the end of the race, the seventh and eighth laps, that people really started getting excited. Understandably so. As I had very little idea what was going before then I didn't think it would really affect me, but there were some taller and more eagle-eyed people stood next to me - this was how I realised that Cavendish was indeed in with a shot of winning. The breakaway group was caught by the mass of the peloton, and the man next to me just happened to say, "They're starting up the Cav train now." This was a mistake from him. I suddenly turned into JD from Scrubs - head tilted, daydream into full swing... I imagine you're aware of the song 'Love Train' by the O'Jays? Well in my head it went like this: "People all over the world join hands, start a Cav train, Cav train!" Stuck there for hours too.

Anyway, back to the cycling. On the last lap is where not being able to see every inch of the circuit got very frustrating - the big screen was helpful, but a policeman kept standing in front of it! Also, it was even harder to tell which rider was which. I could only go on colours, and the increasing frequency of "Mark Cavendish" coming across the PA...

All of a sudden the crowd started shouting - the riders had just about reached the Champs-Elysees and the finishing straight. I was really surprised how many people seemed to be supporting Cav, so I felt confident enough to join in and cheer him on (even though I was a guest of Team Sky). It was so exhilarating watching the big screen when Cav appeared to slingshot out of nowhere and into the lead, eventually winning by about four bike lengths! I even managed to grab a photo of him in his usual victory pose!

Unfortunately a few minutes after that we had to leave. We had to pick our way through the crowd to get back to the hotel and meet our driver, so missed out on the possibility of meeting some of the riders. Most probably would've been members of Team Sky - so I missed the chance of meeting one of my all-time sporting heroes in Bradley Wiggins. Gutted. Oh well, I may have the chance later in the year when I marshal for the Tour Of Britain in Minehead.

Cav may not have managed to grab the green jersey this year, but two wins in a row on the Champs-Elysees can't be bad! It was the perfect end to an amazing weekend - I'll be back for it again one year!

Mon aventure parisienne, pt. 1: "You are our guests of the day"

The adventure really started on Thursday, just after 8.30am, when I decided to ring in to Absolute Radio. I've been on before and won things, but never anything quite like a VIP trip to Paris before... I would like to extend my thanks to Absolute, Team Sky and Geraint Thomas for giving me the chance to go on this amazing break!

Some sacrifices had to be made, mostly in the form of sleep. Living in the best county in England has its drawbacks; whilst the train to London doesn't take that long, they're all at odd times so we had to hang around at St. Pancras for a while... I don't know why, but I always want to call it St. Pancreas! It must be the biologist in me!

I couldn't believe it was all actually happening until our Eurostar train pulled out of the station - it was that exciting that all I had to do was turn my mp3 player on and look out of the window. We knew we were in France when a group of French kids on the train broke into a round of applause! There's also something quite characteristic about the countryside, especially the little clusters of villages and the unique style of church architecture. I was a bit disappointed not to see big fields of sunflowers, that would've made my day! And despite the ignorant American woman sat behind me saying "not a very pretty entree" (in the worst attempt at a French accent I've ever heard), it was amazing when we arrived in Paris. The tall buildings with the old shutters and metal wrought balconies... Simply beautiful.

When we got off the train we even had a driver waiting for us; though his car did appear to be parked outside a sex shop. I could make a joke about the French, but I'll leave it blank - feel free to insert your own here! Of all the times I've been to France I've only been driven around Paris twice, and by English bus drivers - so it was definitely an experience in the taxi! He spoke pretty good English, which was lucky as my French is extremely rusty, and we even had a brief chat about Le Tour. "Who is your winner? Monsieur Cavendish?"

It was when we arrived at the hotel that I started to feel a tad uncomfortable. I'm not at all used to staying in luxury, so being greeted at the car and our bags being carried in was very unsettling. Following on from that I managed to ask the receptionist man a question that I should've asked the concierge, and was made to feel very awkward by the woman who showed us to our room as we were apparently the "guests of the day"... I'm still not sure what the significance of that was! We'd asked for a twin room, but the beds were so close together it was more like a Siamese twin room...

By about 5.30pm French time we managed to get ourselves organised and begin our whistlestop tour. Most of the places I have seen before, but the beauty of Paris is that you can never see its landmarks too many times. There is a certain draw about it that just takes your breath away... For me, the only thing that was missing was an accordian player relaxing on a street corner! However, I did witness street dancing (actually on a street) on the Champs-Elysees of all places.

Once we'd strolled down the Champs-Elysees, our first point of call was la Place de la Concorde; a towering obelisk and an awe-inspiring view back down the Avenue, steam rising off the rush hour traffic giving a hazy view of the Arc de Triomphe. It also gave me a chance to picture the riders and where they'd be circling during the final stage.

We carried on heading southeast through les Jardins des Tuileries. Designed by Andre le Notre, the same man who was in charge of the gardens at Versailles. If any of you have been to either (or both) you will know the unmistakable style on show; the dusty tracks and streets of topiary... We walked down the lane and through the arch to reach the Louvre. Unfortunately there wasn't time to go inside (we'd need a whole day to get a reasonable way round, but it was the pyramids that I was keen to see this time anyway. Not sure how well they fit in that particular area, with the palace surrounding them in the courtyard, but they are most definitely impressive structures.

After that it was time to take a stroll along the Seine, heading towards the Ile de la Cite. It doesn't look very far on the map but it seemed to take ages! Notre Dame wasn't how I remembered it. The square around it all seems different and more crowded than my memory tells me, but the cathedral itself - absolutely mesmerising. It is without doubt my favourite part of Paris; I'm absolutely gutted we didn't have time to go inside because the atmosphere really makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. The rose windows are stunning and the lighting is perfect. It was also the first time I've been there and been able to see the bell towers - there has been scaffolding up before! My ambition now is to climb up to the top of the cathedral. I'd imagine the view from up there is magnificent... We didn't linger for too long, but I at least had a view of it for a bit longer as we stopped for something to eat and I could just see Notre Dame through the window.

As we walked back along the Seine, especially on Quai Voltaire (made a special effort after A level French!), there were a lot of anti-Euro posters popping up. This wouldn't be so significant, but they had 'chomage' written on them; the amount of times we came across this word in lessons and thought how useless it was for us to know... Thankfully I remembered its meaning! It's 'unemployment' in case you're unfamiliar with it... We got round to Pont de l'Alma not long after, but this was when my dad decided he needed the toilet - so we spent at least 20 minutes waiting for the capsule toilette to be free. My top tip is just don't bother with the things! After that we could continue on to the Eiffel Tower. The good thing about waiting was that the lights had been turned on, so I was able to see it in all its glory.

We thought it best to head back towards the hotel after that, especially as it seemed to take quite a while walking across the Pont de l'Alma and up Avenue George V. As we got closer to the Champs-Elysees we reached the Prince de Galles hotel, only to find our path blocked by people crowding round the entrance. At the time we had no idea who it was getting out of the car, but with a bit of research I've come to the conclusion that it was probably Will Smith and family. Nothing major then...

It was nice seeing the Arc de Triomphe all lit up as well before wandering up one of the side streets to the Sofitel Arc de Triomphe hotel. There was one last surprise waiting in the room - we'd been provided with some lovely expensive French confectionary and a little teddy bear! This really topped off the day, and were well-earned rewards after walking 8.9 miles (according to Google) in about 5 hours. All set for the VIP day at the Tour de France!

"Garrotted with a hood..."

That's it - I am now officially a grownup. And unemployed, but that's not important right now...

I am of course referring to the fact that I graduated last week, and can now give my name an appendage: BSc (Hons). All of those Vistaprint leaflets for offers on headed paper and business cards are finally going to come in handy!

Rather than it being just about the graduation ceremony itself, it is turned into a whole day that feels uniquely British. My first piece of advice to any future graduates reading this is that you have to be prepared to queue - a lot. First of all to pick up your robes, then for professional photos, collecting tickets, to get into the ceremony, during the ceremony, to get out of the ceremony, to return your robes and finally to retrieve your 'parchment'... It makes a very strong case for wearing more sensible shoes, as I'm sure a few of my colleagues will testify.

As I mentioned, the first task for the day was to pick up the robes. Despite filling in a form with your height on, it was pretty much a case of one size fits all - and as if we didn't feel silly enough with the oversized gown, we also had to figure out how to put the hoods on before the never-ending round of photoshoots began...

The first official photograph of the day was of our teaching group (Genetics and Human Genetics) - the four of us adjudged to be the shortest sat on the front row with the lecturers, whilst everyone else had to stand on the steps behind us. We were all pleasantly surprised about which lecturers were joining us: Jeremy Lakey, Carys Watts, Trevor Jowett, Nick Morris and Simon Whitehall. Anyone who knows Sarah Noble will be aware of which one of those she was most excited about!

After a lunch break away from the circus, although not too far as I was still wearing my robes, we started queuing for our individual photos in which we were allowed to wear a mortar board. Apparently the reason why we're not given them for the whole day is that the robemakers aren't keen on fishing them out of the Tyne afterwards... I didn't hugely enjoy this photo as I had to pose for it; I'm all for pulling a silly face, or smiling for the camera, but a proper pose is not my cup of tea. To add insult to injury, in the picture I had with my parents my mum had to stand on a step - so it appears that she's taller than me when she isn't!

Yet more queuing ensued, but come 4 o'clock just about everyone was settled in Kings' Hall. After thinking it was "all a bit Harry Potter" for most of the day, the ceremony itself seemed more like the initiation process for a cult... It works a little like this:

1. The audience stands as the academic procession enters the room, led by a man holding a mace. Everyone tries their best not to laugh.



2. The audience is seated, whilst we (the graduands) try not to sit on each other's gowns.



3. The ceremony is officially 'opened'.



4. With the direction of some steward-type people, we begin filing to the front (starting with the back row) - annoyingly we have to approach via the side with little space.



5. Applause after each name.



6. When it's your turn - walk over to the Hooding Marshal (who's very tall), turn to face the audience as you are 'hooded', shake the Chancellor's hand and return to your seat.



7. Once everyone's finished, there is a brief speech from the Chancellor (Sir Liam Donaldson).



8. The academic procession leaves as it arrives, before we are also led out row-by-row.

It's as simple as that. Nobody tripped up, we didn't actually join a cult (no funny handshake was the giveaway) and it all took less than an hour. If only the whole day could be as straightforward! As was mentioned in the closing speech, the ceremony is a bit of an odd one - "it starts by being garrotted with a hood, and ends with a handshake".

After the ceremony we had a lovely drinks reception (champagne and strawberries), although this was the time that everyone managed to lose each other. It was a bit of an anticlimax really; the ceremony finishes and everyone disappeared off in different directions...

But to finish, I'd like to go back to the ceremony, and what was going through my mind as we were waiting in line. If I'm honest I don't remember too much of my part, but what I can recall is just how proud I was of my amazing coursemates when their names were read out. We've all done brilliantly to get this far, here's hoping for the future!